Salam Maal Hijr

Assalamualaikum to all Muslim and citizen of this universe. Wish all of you Awal Muharram & Happy New Year! Alhamdullillah praise to Allah for giving another year for me to transform my own self to become a better Muslim. I wanted to say a good one but let just start with..better.

To start a new resolution on this Noble day, I guess I have to create new KPIs ..no? or maybe the least I could do is to improve the last KPIs that I set myself last year. Hihi. So I would know the variances & the causes of the variance and what action to take in order to meet the gap right?

On this new year, what I want to do is to get my focus at the right track. Which is onto my career. To deliver a good performance on every assigned tasks, to meet the deadlines, to be disciplined,  positive curve of consistency, meet boss' requirements, meet my own target, be firm & vocal of what I believed in and fast-learning practitioner.

Career done. Now with health. I'll make sure my system is fed with an adequate amount of water, to bring umbrella to avoid rain-shower, exercise regularly (Consider done), to try to sleep more than 5 hours and less caffeine, this is the hardest thing I hardly giving up on. Honestly!

Security Part: No more playing phone while walking, to be more alert, to practice in don't believe in stranger and discarding world peace no bandits motto while walking to the office & going back home as well, no more eating in the LRT ( malas to create etiquette part), no more crossing the road whenever I think possible (even 100 meters uncertain speed of car also I think sempat), to recite ayat Kursi during the journey and whenever possible, pepper spray, body splash would do kot. (To be added more later on)..Thinking in progress 

MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE IS responsibilities:  where do I start huh? (head scratching) oh okay.. Religious part is not meant to be shared. That would be instilled from within, from me to my Creator. I just pray for my strength to avoid fear, to avoid feeling lost, to avoid myself from giving up without even try, to avoid myself to unnecessary cries, to avoid me from sighing, to keep my feet on the ground, to remember from what I made of, to where I will come back, for what purposes Allah created me, on what purposes I am still alive, to be a good sister to my brother, cousin and everyone. Help those in need, never expect more but aim high, love who hates, continue loving who loves, accept Allah's Qada and Qadar, forgive but never forget, be responsible, be sincere, set my nawaitu in a good manner, start doing follow-ups don't stop half way, etc. I would like to indicate more but I will bore the heck out of you guys.

Life is not about being happy all the time, it is beyond than that. That's why we learn fear, sadness, worries, anxious, nervous, feelingless and many more. Whatever journey Allah put us through, just don't forget to say subhannallah, alhamdullillah. Allah create us for several purposes. One of them to is to be a khalifah. I may not be perfect Muslim/slave but I believe in improving myself to be a better one. Remind me if I "leka"

Thank you for listening confidante(s)! 

That is just beautiful miracle isn't it?

iloveyouAllah, Penawar Bercahaya (Syifa'Unnur)

Never Back Down

OMG! I know2..I am such a terrible blog-writer. I can't believe it's almost 2 months since the last time I post the previous entry. Maybe, now I prefer to talk in a real world rather than here. Of course, lack of ideas and time barrier play the vital role in disabling me to write too.. whatever it is..here I am again

We almost meet Xmas again that finally leads us to New year. The last blog entry about new year (2011) was, I told to Year 2011 to be nice to me. But it happened the other way around, TOTALLY. . This year, to sum it all up.. I would say the most challenging of all years. Lost someones, gain some new ones. Know some. Forget or try to forget some, been robbed by snatch-theft, Went to an event, Celebrate Raya in A diff place compare to past years, I must say Allah really put me into these tests to groom me to be a better human. So yeah, It was challenging. Changed my career path. Made some big decisions. Missed some opportunities.

To see all of these from helicopter view.. I conclude some lessons I've learned. Which are to be strong, adapt-wisely to situation, be rational when instinct isn't working, stop being judgmental towards people/decisions/matters arise etc.  be confident with yourself but not cocky, always ask why (curiosity helps doesn't it?) , be grateful, Look at every problem in a positive side (need to be more analytical on this one), but most of all, hold on to your faith and belief and keep em. Never blame other people of your failure. Try the hardest to make thing at its most productive level it could get.

To be frank, there were like thousand times I feel like quitting everything. But one way for me to get back up is using my inner voice and talk to myself about my value and what/who I am fighting for. I motivate myself by using my own mother as a role model. If she could endure this alone, why can't I?

Life is like a long-term exams. Problems are like your test paper. If you pass the test, Proceed. If you don't and give up.. You'll lose and stuck. So act/answer correctly or give a satisfactory answers to all the paper, think wise before you think twice. 

Thank you for your kind attention.

Warm Regards, 

Syifa Aziz

Thought of the day: I need to improve my discipline in writing this blog :)

Surviving is getting 10 times harder.. Everyday :)

My Repetitive Wonderful Routine

Assalammualaikum,

It's been awhile since I pour my heart out, guess Twitter has supersede E.N.E.R.G.Y.

The truth is, I've been away from my PC for months. Updating my social networking stuffs with mere phone doesn't give me any satisfaction. (The hell Syifa? hi hi)

Talking about updates, I've changed my work already, it's been two months and things seem quite alright. Try to catch up a bit. Even the starting wasn't so smooth but The Almighty helped me through it with style and tawakal. oh ya, do you guys know anything about Corporate Planning & Development? wonder if you guys could share with me some info (maybe exchange ideas would sounds greater)

I'm still trying to put the broken puzzles together, but of course with one important missing piece. Everyday is an emotionally challenge to me.  Only Allah knows how hectic inside and within me. In searching of serenity, I must first REDHA and accept. Maybe only mind which controls relevance accepts. The heart that holds so much memories and unconditional love denies.

Pepatah Melayu: Syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu. 

So, I didn't really lost my world.. I've lost my heaven.

Love your mom, show it to her, put her first, talk to her nicely, kiss her forehead and say I love you. 

and practice it...daily :) 

P.s- I am currently listening to Fly by Nicky Minaj and my Fav Rihanna! try to chill with the song ok. Love the lyrics!

Your Nothing but the truth

Projek Kumbuhan

Dear Abang,

Harini adek akan beli ubat anti-sumbat dan dawai untuk menjayakan projek de-sumbat toilet kita. Demi menyelamatkan toilet induk tersebut perkhidmatan abang juga diperlukan. Selain itu bahan-bahan lain yang diperlukan adalah sarung tangan dan pewangi sembur. Perlaksanaan projek ini mungkin akan memakan masa selama 2 hingga 3 jam. Your commitment is highly appreciated.

See you tonight!

Warm Regards,
Your Sister :) 

Less Than Love

Dear Me, 

Days pass by so quickly, sometimes so slowly..Taking turn and mould a pattern that I couldn't keep up. Sometimes I could. When everything follows my way.  Standing alone, fighting alone, I am struggling to breathe, just to ensure I am alive and still alive. In the morning, I wake up..Full of routine or maybe deliberately fulfill the routine. Another day, another race, I am tired.. I am. But Alhamdullillah, I am healing everyday. I've gained strength each days. I have no choice, I realize I have no choice but to be strong. So here I am, I MUST stand up and clear my wounds. Leave the scars open, It hurts but it heals. I realize there is no one I could and should rely on in healing myself. Cuz real happiness and full recovery is up to me. I choose not to depend on others. 

Ma,

When I see my hands, I see your hands used to hold 'em and said those words you always said to me.. 

When I see myself in the mirror, I still see you..behind me wearing your fav kaftan, huhu

Ma, When I am home.. There was you sitting on the couch watching Star movies and welcoming me,

Ma, now my tears are more reserved than it used to be.. Less-flowing on the cheeks..but in my heart, still under observation :)

Ma, When I listen to Hilary Duff's song.. I would reminisce your dialogue saying "adek tak habis2 lagu budak montok nie"..and I'd say.."mammiii!" hehhehe and the conversation went on..and on 

Ma, I just miss laughing with you.. hmm, my laugh with you is the most genuine laughter I've ever had..who said I already moved on. I am still here. and always be. Moving on is only for broken-hearted man.

Every time I miss you, my body will turn cold and my eyes will shine (yes, with tears that I hold). Cuz inside, I am fighting with emotion. Wow.. Hard to explain how does it feel on that time. My tired heart sometimes just can't take it anymore. But I need to survive. So I wipe my tears and start over my day with smile. But inside all I am doing is still live with my bestest memories..HER. 

Still Counting x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Disease or just normal

Omg! I am so freaking tired..I wanna go back and sleep the whole day! I feel like my immunity is getting getting GETTING low.. GET it? I x kisah demam tp jangan lesu. sumpah kerja x jalan. Haiih.. Doctor help me solve this problem pleaseee :(

p.s- stole my heart :)

Fragile everyday

Title yang sangat meng-controversy-kan. Sorry for mixing both bahasa(s) English and BM plus dgn bad grammar..hee! nak buat mcm mana today I ter- monologue in both languages. Btw nak kongsi cerita before off to work..oh..Today I kerja malam..hurmm soo.. ada masa utk crapping kat sini. So lama already tak tulis on this tiny whitey lil space. Sorry for being not having any ideas and busy with work  :) try to cope with life now. 

Actually today I x ada anything to pour pun.. just kesian this blog kena abandon lama sgt. Just to update some status here, I am currently pretty busy with managing life majorly emotion and mind. Everyday is a new challenge for me.. A challenge at work..itu normal.. lagi satu a challenge for me to jadi stronger and stronger.  Kadang2 I pikiaq, I must be crazy.. tiba2 dlm train otw to work pun boleh nangis (nak2 keja pagi) pastu mula jadi ngade2 update status kat twitter cakap *life would be easier if you were here* pastu kan kalau ada gossip hangat..tak tahu dah nak msg siapa ,,bila balik rumah konfius pule nak sambung gossip tu ngan siapa..sbb semua nya paling best kongsi ngn mama. SHE is the only one yg I can trust with my life.. Someone will see me through.. not just the surface.Ye la kang kongsi ngn abg kang kne pang ngn dia.. org nak main game kita sebok2 hot2 gossip pule..mmg mendapat la

Kan.. ma, adik macam dah besar...depan orang adek suka berlagak macho tp kalau adek dok rumah kalau x nangis setitik mesti tak sah. ma, hari2 adek cakap ngn mama dlm hati..if lapar adek msti tercakap.."ma lapa la ma".. kalau letih kerja lari sana sini adek termonolog.."maamaa, nak balik rumahh, letihnyee"..pastu kan ma if pms dtg adek suke marah-marah.. tp dlm byk2 org/makanan/cappucino..mama punye pujukan paling mujarab. 

Hurgh..susah beb nak get over something mcm nie.. Love ngn boyfie kita pun x kan meroyan mcm nie punya. I dunno whenn laahhh I can be strong nie.. ni angin tiup skirt labuh kita ngn rambut pun..boleh ternangis..fragile betul tahap babun! Ma, even ni mcm jiwang kan.. I really2 do miss your touch and voice..serta cara mama marah kalau adek degil, kluar malam balik before 10 pm, ckp kasar ngn abg, perli adek kalau mandi lambat.. sume sume lah.. Cuz Im so lost now.. now nak kuar mlm ke clubbing pun takde org sekat..tp ma, Im not happy life mcm nie.. adek suke mama punye sekatan and kemerajukkan. Itu yg buat life makin bereerti. 

Adek rasa sunyi sgt..even semua cakap2 ngn adek and gurau2.. deep down inside,, adek punye hati nie pecah terburai. Punyi lah empty ma.. Adek boleh tibe2 tak tahu nape nak kena kerja, nak ada cita2, nak kena kahwin..sbb dlu adek buat nie sume nak jaga mama..nak make u proud nak mama tahu mama besarkan adek sorang2 tak rugi.. adoyai.. now..dah jadi macam penantian yang x berakhir je ma..tunggu mama sbb adek tahu.. Dah diam.. Tuhan marah kang

Tapi adek ingat mama cakap dulu2.."jgn cakap macam org x beragama.. Dosa nanti, so buat apa2 kerana Allah".. takut makin hari makin jauh dari agama..harap2 tak mcm tu kalau x sia2 je duit mama anta adek gi sekola agama dulu.. so Syifa Unnur..jangan nak ngade2 emo lama2.. life is a race. 

Even adek tak tahu macam mana future adek..Adek harap semuanya dah di design perfectly. Humm..cume mcm adek kata tadi ma, EMPTYnyee hidup nie mama takde. even I try to compensate ngn benda lain to distract me,,ttp x berjaya. Ma, I will always remember how you and me used to lie down on the bed.. u taught me how to do my first signature. I was 9.. I thought every signature telah ditetapkan sejak kecil. Now I know kenapa mama gelak2 masa tu. I was so naive.. and you coloured me with your love. I love you my WORLD :)

p.s- here I am renew my promise.. to fight with negativities and to feel weak whenever I think about mama, instead when I think of mama..I should be a spiritful girl and strong! Thats how u continue surviving!Go me! Urrghh...Mamamaaa!!!

SIMM UOY OS HCUM

Meroyan di petang hari dan sebelum pergi kerja *larrriii~*as usual aktiviti rasmi setiap hari adalah online dan terpanggil untuk mencoret di ruang sesawang ini. Today I don't wanna be deep or what, just go straight to the point.. - . - hurmm.. hurmm.. immaturity masih strong di dalam diri memaksa diri ku menjadi lemah kembali.. Dear mama/mamito/meehun/madam! again..today I miss you..in fact everyday.. urghh! When u miss someone endlessly like this..U feel like...shouting cuz sumpah it hurts so bad .How I wish I became emotionless..so I could defeat this thing..Oh no no no..emosi terluke serta minda yang diharapkan untuk memotivasikan diri.. one question..sampai bila?.......tet

Missing u mama,
The crying immature one!
SHIP-PHA

P.S-sorry to annoy readers with repetitive subject of posting.. *waving poisely*

SOMETHING THAT JUST NOT WRITTEN IN THE SKY

Tomorrow I will work in the morning. Hope the day will be nice and smooth as it could get. 

::Dealing with customer or to be exact P.EOPLE is not as easy as I thought. Some strangers come towards you and yell.. because of something you never did.. or sometimes you don't even know the answer or how to solve the matter..beyond your expertise, smile all along.. forget your temper.. please them with good reasonable appropriately arranged words, hye! welcome to customer services. 

When you get sick or at least having a little flu, you will pray that you heal faster, not to entertain the feeling of being sick..why oh why? cuz you can't never sneeze while talking to customer or attending them with watery eyes/nose and even nosey voice is not allowed. You have to be presentable, efficient, proactive and always wear your smile :) now that sounds so fairytale! but it's so true..forget your tiredness.. Your physical and mental have to be fit! part of your job! and plus, you always have to know what to say.. of course...APPROPRIATELY!

Their problems are your jobs! When they forgot to collect things from the bus, defected toilet, passenger miss the bus, bus service fail to meet customer's satisfaction, routing, public transport, parking, elevator, student comes for research..omg! sounds so much for (JUST) external customer...what about internal ones? samee!always ensure they got the equality of services and have to please them all the time.. NO no don't get me wrong, this isn't about nagging of my job or whatt... Like can't you see..How blessing this job is? assisting OKU to buy bus ticket, entertain senior citizen (from simple chatting until assisting them to board the bus), be the map of lost foreigner, help a pregnant woman to bring their heavy bags..like...

OMAIGOSH! I am so happy Ya Almighty!I work and I get tired but I feel blessed and happy..just by receiving a simple thanks from customer..superb satisfaction! Entertaining big bosses, Press and media, foreigner, mental disorder guy (yes, i did), Government, business man, senior citizen, MALAYSIAN, pregnant woman and many many more..trust me! it helps me develop myself beautifully..even my BP is getting higher..but..I'm chill with that :) In one day, I would've met like ..EVERYONE!

Service industry is undoubtedly tiring, your weekends are our weekdays..when you're sleeping, we just started our shift, When you are enjoying the amenities in the building, we are busy to keep the facilities in a good condition.. But everyday is a reward to us.. Cuz your satisfaction is our achievement. Thanks to the crowd for being my remedy! ::

Tan Sri Hamid said, work is your ibadah. I agree!

Bitterheart or sweetheart?

Coincidently met my long lost friend yesterday..Wasn't that "lost" anyway, it just that we haven't seen each other for quite some time. Ironically I was working, but gladly almost reach its time to go back. So, I spent some time talking to her but working at the same time. Can u imagine how? please...just don't ^^ Talking to her made me swim back to the past. Because she is..someone from my past.. My heart was pumping with anger, I can't believe what I heard from her. I won't expose what conversation we've had but just to share some point of view of life, sometimes.. Don't bother about whatever others feel towards your action, cuz sometimes when we are too busy thinking about others' happiness,eventually we always realized the fact that we cannot please the whole world! There's no use torturing your heart and mind for some people who doesn't know whether you have ones by treating you like a robot, and don't take you seriously. Make life even simpler & don't complicate things, make it stable by what you received, you'd give back. Ok darling? take out the person/things in your life that contribute to your imperfections, let your life goes with your rhythm. By how u want it to be alright.. Life is so hard at 1st, especially when you just crashed into pieces after a big breakdown or something similar, but once you completed the healing process, you'll gain both.. happiness and strength!..& The next time you see misery, you don't sweat a lot like you used to.. :)

Yours Truly,

Voice within

Getting used to ..YOU!

Today is my off-day. NO no no, I'm not going out or loitering around even my hot-blood rebelling to do so, so so much but there are a lot of other MAJOR things that need to be settled..especially bills, bills and bills.  Everytime I check the post box, my hands will be shaking cuz I am afraid I might not be able to settle all the bills on time. What if they cut the electricity and water supply. Or take away my astro! and and who's gonna remind me to pay PTPTN. Working on shift-based  schedule makes it hard for me to steal time to get all these 'mess-head' done. I don't have any idea how my mom did all of these to-do-list!(s) My dad passed away when I was like 7 months..So practically she had been single parent since like forever. I swear! I don't know where she gained that strength! Now what I gotta do..is getting used to this and don't over-used em..or else, I shall pay more..NNOOO! this story has exclude groceries, food supply, transport fares and pocket money and yes..ETC .Mom, this is wow! :) teehee

What doesn't kill makes you stronger..and u know what bills?? U can't kill me! bwek!

Regards,

THE CAPITAL SYIFA'

Perit

Mama adik nangis lagi hari ini. Adik x dpt tahan kesedihan when I am at home alone. Adik teringatkan mama. Tgk susunan dalam rumah ni buat adik teringat how rajin you were bila kemas rumah. Bila adik balik je mesti mama tanya pendapat adik kan ma? Mama adik teringatkan masa adik teman mama gi Medical Centre dekat GMC haritu. Bulan lepas kan mama. Mama batuk2 banyak sgt and mengadu kat adik. Tapi at the same time mama boleh lagi wat lawak and gelak2. Sorry mama sbb adik salu moody kat mama. Jahat adik ni. Tapi mama tahu tak mama dalam dunia ni mama adalah buah hati adik, mamalah my princess, mamalah wanita paling hot sekali. Mama je yang dapat buat hati perit adik sembuh. mama is my syifa'. mama sorry sgt masa mama sakit haritu adik x dpt buat apa2 sembuhkan mama. walaupun nama adik syifa'. sorry mama. sorry mama. Ma, adik x sempat nak blikan jam untuk mama. adik pernah hilangkan 2 jam mama. tapi mama x marah pun ma. Mama ingat tak masa mama teman adik bli air kat coffee box, mama tunggu dlm kereta. Tapi masa tu coffee box tu lambat bagi air adik, mama worry sampai mama keluar cari adik  and mama lupa lock kereta. Mama tanya org kat 7 eleven sume..mama tahu tak sampai sekarang adik terharu sgt. Mama salu panggil adik baby girl mama tapi sekarang mama buat adik miss panggilan tu mama. sbb skarang x ada org pun panggil adik camtu or panggil adik ni atek. Mama adik betul2 rindu mama..mama dtgla dalam mimpi adik salu..please ma..nak dgr suara mama

every tears belong to you

Part of my routine, everyday, is to keep myself preoccupied.. make myself busy and stuff my days with friends and loved ones because by knowing this term '‎"Our character is what we do when no one is looking."  I might collapsed and breakdown. I am thankful to have such a supportive and understanding people around me which never fail to keep me 'alive'. At this time, I can't never be on my own..Myself is the worse companion ever. 

I never put high hope on something only for one thing, which was to see my mom woke up and to hear her voice again..that time. But I never question Allah's fate to take HIS creation,it is part of life's cycle. Redha was the only way to accept death, by pronouncing prayers ushering my princess to the other world aka Alam Barzakh. I obey Ya Almighty. 

Even until today, I still feel that she was around me and waited for me to update my journey to work. For me texting her everytime I reached office,on my way home from work til i reach home, going out, everytime I felt sad, when I miss her, gossips and many other things! could someone tell me how can I hear her voice again cuz I don't want to forget her wonder-extraordinary voice when she called me.. could someone hugged me like she did..could someone comfort me like she did and could someone amused me like her jokes, could someone?

Everyday, continuously,I miss her.It hurts so bad. what would you feel when your home is the last place you wanted to be? home used to be like heaven but now it just reminds you of everything you deny to remember. Ya Allah cekalkan hambaMu ini, make me immune to this, help me through this, blessed me everyday by blessing her soul.. put her in YOUR lists of PARA SHUHADA'. Same goes to my father. I love them both and to my brother.. lets continue this until we meet mama and papa again. I love you so much. Take care and be safe alright. 

Sincerely,
Syifaaziz

Hajjah Rohana @ Rohanah Ibrahim, She's a super duper mom!

As I walked through the pavement at level 3..HKL, I could hear my stepping shoes taking turn to sound.. But my mind, elsewhere. I couldn't bear the news I heard at 7 something PM on Thursday..I've lost myself on that day, When she lied down-unmoved, stiff with pale face on the patients' bed.  She had 30 mins to live, Thats what doc predicted at that time, half-sanity I was trying to strenghten myself, tried to ignore..Out of my control, I cried and whispered KALIMAH SYAHADAH in her ears. Together with my brother, we jogged slowly along with doc and crew to level 3..ICU. at ICU, we waited for hours, finally door opened for us with welcoming ceremony done by the doc incharged. Doc told us the chronology and all, Frustrated but grateful Alhamdullillah, Allah still let her live even now she couldn't move, couldn't talk yet eat, couldn't do anything but I'm happy that everyday she gives a LITTLE progress. Even A LITTLE but I know someday, she'll be back to be our mom again. To whoever read this please contribute Yassin to her, Puan Rohana Ibrahim. Your cooperation has indeed a good return..from Allah. I love you mom, as simple as that!You're awesome, cuz you tought me to be strong and positive like you!

Is love smart?

Dear Youaretheonlyexception,
[  ]It is when, all your senses get so excited..

[  ]It is maybe when your mood is fixed by itself when you see him.. and yeah without the assistance of chocs of course

[  ] He makes you feel so alive.. yet dead..makes u feel like you are the most beautiful lady on earth..and makes you think you are the most intelligent nerd in the universe..no? 

[  ] When you pronounce those 3 sacred little words..and you never think of what circumstances you'd have to face..because it never matters

[  ]When you miss him, you wish he would just appear in front of you..and still.. never stop hoping

[  ]Love is sweet but most of the time..challenging.. adventurous!

[  ]Makes you so happy, makes you so so sad.. so?

[  ]Love is beneficial?- taking risks, enhance confidence level, learn to be patient, give and take, gratitude,positivity etc.. love is smart? or falling in love is actually smart..?

Now think the other way around....

Love, if you have it..you don't need anything else

and if you don't have it..it doesn't matter much what else you have 

Thatsallbyefornow!