Saturday, June 18, 2011

Less Than Love

Dear Me, 

Days pass by so quickly, sometimes so slowly..Taking turn and mould a pattern that I couldn't keep up. Sometimes I could. When everything follows my way.  Standing alone, fighting alone, I am struggling to breathe, just to ensure I am alive and still alive. In the morning, I wake up..Full of routine or maybe deliberately fulfill the routine. Another day, another race, I am tired.. I am. But Alhamdullillah, I am healing everyday. I've gained strength each days. I have no choice, I realize I have no choice but to be strong. So here I am, I MUST stand up and clear my wounds. Leave the scars open, It hurts but it heals. I realize there is no one I could and should rely on in healing myself. Cuz real happiness and full recovery is up to me. I choose not to depend on others. 


When I see my hands, I see your hands used to hold 'em and said those words you always said to me.. 
When I see myself in the mirror, I still see you..behind me wearing your fav kaftan, huhu
Ma, When I am home.. There was you sitting on the couch watching Star movies and welcoming me,
Ma, now my tears are more reserved than it used to be.. Less-flowing on the cheeks..but in my heart, still under observation :)

Ma, When I listen to Hilary Duff's song.. I would reminisce your dialogue saying "adek tak habis2 lagu budak montok nie"..and I'd say.."mammiii!" hehhehe and the conversation went on..and on 

Ma, I just miss laughing with you.. hmm, my laugh with you is the most genuine laughter I've ever had..who said I already moved on. I am still here. and always be. Moving on is only for broken-hearted man.

Every time I miss you, my body will turn cold and my eyes will shine (yes, with tears that I hold). Cuz inside, I am fighting with emotion. Wow.. Hard to explain how does it feel on that time. My tired heart sometimes just can't take it anymore. But I need to survive. So I wipe my tears and start over my day with smile. But inside all I am doing is still live with my bestest memories..HER. 

Still Counting x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


  1. gurl..i miss her too n i noe u miss her more..
    be strong dear..remember..anything u can tell me ok..luv 2..

  2. be strong yah gurl

    -blogger next door ;)-

  3. be strong k, syifa... every hour, every minute, every second n every day when you miss her, don't forget to recite al fatihah k...

  4. On top of your story, I sense that you're the strongest person alive I've ever met.. virtually.

    I love your quote saying ;

    "I am still here. and always be. Moving on is only for broken-hearted man."

    Al-Fatihah for your mom.

  5. be strong friend..

    Bila kau memandang segala-gala dari Tuhanmu
    yang Maha mencipta,
    yang menimpakan ujian,
    yang menjadikan sakit hatimu,
    yang membuatkan keinginanmu terhalang,
    serta menyusahkan hidupmu,
    pasti akan damailah hatimu
    kerana masakan Allah sengaja mentakdirkan segalanya,
    untuk sesuatu yang sia-sia.
    Bukan Allah tidak tahu derita hidupmu,
    retaknya hatimu,
    tapi mungkin itulah yang Dia mahukan,
    kerana Dia tahu hati yang sebeginilah,
    selalunya lebih lunak dan mudah,
    untuk akrab dan dekat denganNya..."

    lets time heal this anyway =)

  6. Thanks everyone for the love and support! I've gained weight and strength as well as I read your very constructive comments. Allah bless everyboddyyy~:)

    Hugs & warm Love,

  7. hye there fa..lama x jenguk ur blog...hmm..feelings is hard to express kan..especially when we want to share it with our loved ones, but they r not there anymore...time pass by, life has to be go on dear..i know that u r strong cause until today, u r still here with us kan..keep it up..Allah is always by your side...

    warm regards from Sri Kundang