Thursday, August 2, 2012


Breathlessly gasping for more air, looking around and try to identify every sound surrounds the area I am in now. Facing tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the next... Forcing the days to end quickly. Heart is aching and chaotic, finding its serenity that's no longer there.

Heart is tired, motivation works the least, memories conquers every spaces in my mind.

Wish so hard to own the time, So I could manipulate and reverse to the time when you were still there.

I miss you.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Heart is weakening

Mom, as the days in 2012 passed me by, the harder it gets for me to digest this whole game. 
I am so tired of fighting alone, sounds like giving up.. maybe/yeah/nope I don't even know anymore. 
I am getting older and all I ever wanted at this moment is to live normally & be able to inhale/exhale with no hiccups.

Somehow, I just can't. Handicapped by obstacles. My emotion is hectic inside. I want to find serenity. My serenity is my mom. As she waited for me there, I am struggling alone. Try to gather strength as possible as I could to continue breathing.

I am no longer sure of my existence in the world. Like I used to aim to make my mom proud of me..That's why I didn't register myself as a college drop-out. To find a fine job at established company, to lessen her burden by taking care of her with the salary I earn. To get my master in Econs before I reach 26 and get my PHD done by 35 and be a lecturer. But all those aims are nothing but only a dirty dust. Nothing phenomenal.

To be honest, I am not sure.. anymore