Monday, February 21, 2011

Getting used to ..YOU!

Today is my off-day. NO no no, I'm not going out or loitering around even my hot-blood rebelling to do so, so so much but there are a lot of other MAJOR things that need to be settled..especially bills, bills and bills.  Everytime I check the post box, my hands will be shaking cuz I am afraid I might not be able to settle all the bills on time. What if they cut the electricity and water supply. Or take away my astro! and and who's gonna remind me to pay PTPTN. Working on shift-based  schedule makes it hard for me to steal time to get all these 'mess-head' done. I don't have any idea how my mom did all of these to-do-list!(s) My dad passed away when I was like 7 months..So practically she had been single parent since like forever. I swear! I don't know where she gained that strength! Now what I gotta getting used to this and don't over-used em..or else, I shall pay more..NNOOO! this story has exclude groceries, food supply, transport fares and pocket money and yes..ETC .Mom, this is wow! :) teehee

What doesn't kill makes you stronger..and u know what bills?? U can't kill me! bwek!


Sunday, February 13, 2011


Mama adik nangis lagi hari ini. Adik x dpt tahan kesedihan when I am at home alone. Adik teringatkan mama. Tgk susunan dalam rumah ni buat adik teringat how rajin you were bila kemas rumah. Bila adik balik je mesti mama tanya pendapat adik kan ma? Mama adik teringatkan masa adik teman mama gi Medical Centre dekat GMC haritu. Bulan lepas kan mama. Mama batuk2 banyak sgt and mengadu kat adik. Tapi at the same time mama boleh lagi wat lawak and gelak2. Sorry mama sbb adik salu moody kat mama. Jahat adik ni. Tapi mama tahu tak mama dalam dunia ni mama adalah buah hati adik, mamalah my princess, mamalah wanita paling hot sekali. Mama je yang dapat buat hati perit adik sembuh. mama is my syifa'. mama sorry sgt masa mama sakit haritu adik x dpt buat apa2 sembuhkan mama. walaupun nama adik syifa'. sorry mama. sorry mama. Ma, adik x sempat nak blikan jam untuk mama. adik pernah hilangkan 2 jam mama. tapi mama x marah pun ma. Mama ingat tak masa mama teman adik bli air kat coffee box, mama tunggu dlm kereta. Tapi masa tu coffee box tu lambat bagi air adik, mama worry sampai mama keluar cari adik  and mama lupa lock kereta. Mama tanya org kat 7 eleven sume..mama tahu tak sampai sekarang adik terharu sgt. Mama salu panggil adik baby girl mama tapi sekarang mama buat adik miss panggilan tu mama. sbb skarang x ada org pun panggil adik camtu or panggil adik ni atek. Mama adik betul2 rindu mama..mama dtgla dalam mimpi adik salu..please ma..nak dgr suara mama

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

every tears belong to you

Part of my routine, everyday, is to keep myself preoccupied.. make myself busy and stuff my days with friends and loved ones because by knowing this term '‎"Our character is what we do when no one is looking."  I might collapsed and breakdown. I am thankful to have such a supportive and understanding people around me which never fail to keep me 'alive'. At this time, I can't never be on my own..Myself is the worse companion ever. 

I never put high hope on something only for one thing, which was to see my mom woke up and to hear her voice again..that time. But I never question Allah's fate to take HIS creation,it is part of life's cycle. Redha was the only way to accept death, by pronouncing prayers ushering my princess to the other world aka Alam Barzakh. I obey Ya Almighty. 

Even until today, I still feel that she was around me and waited for me to update my journey to work. For me texting her everytime I reached office,on my way home from work til i reach home, going out, everytime I felt sad, when I miss her, gossips and many other things! could someone tell me how can I hear her voice again cuz I don't want to forget her wonder-extraordinary voice when she called me.. could someone hugged me like she did..could someone comfort me like she did and could someone amused me like her jokes, could someone?

Everyday, continuously,I miss her.It hurts so bad. what would you feel when your home is the last place you wanted to be? home used to be like heaven but now it just reminds you of everything you deny to remember. Ya Allah cekalkan hambaMu ini, make me immune to this, help me through this, blessed me everyday by blessing her soul.. put her in YOUR lists of PARA SHUHADA'. Same goes to my father. I love them both and to my brother.. lets continue this until we meet mama and papa again. I love you so much. Take care and be safe alright.