Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Heart is weakening

Mom, as the days in 2012 passed me by, the harder it gets for me to digest this whole game. 
I am so tired of fighting alone, sounds like giving up.. maybe/yeah/nope I don't even know anymore. 
I am getting older and all I ever wanted at this moment is to live normally & be able to inhale/exhale with no hiccups.

Somehow, I just can't. Handicapped by obstacles. My emotion is hectic inside. I want to find serenity. My serenity is my mom. As she waited for me there, I am struggling alone. Try to gather strength as possible as I could to continue breathing.

I am no longer sure of my existence in the world. Like I used to aim to make my mom proud of me..That's why I didn't register myself as a college drop-out. To find a fine job at established company, to lessen her burden by taking care of her with the salary I earn. To get my master in Econs before I reach 26 and get my PHD done by 35 and be a lecturer. But all those aims are nothing but only a dirty dust. Nothing phenomenal.

To be honest, I am not sure.. anymore  


  1. my dear syifa...it's been so long u r not writing..i guess this one could be the saddest + emotional writings..please don't give-up..there is still the light at the very end of the road..with those words, your mother could be very sad knowing that her beloved daughter almost collapse struggling in this cruel world. syifa, remember to always believe in Allah's fate cause everything happen has it owns reason by the thee.

    sincerely yours

  2. Be strong syifa, setiap kesusahan yg di beri, ada nikmatnye..
    Will doa' for u may Allah give u strength and serenity. :)
    And you still have us. and syifa, if there's anything, anything at all that i could do to help, even for a chitchat geng, just let me know. I'll help selagi mampu, Insyaallah.
    but for now, don't stop praying to God love. :)