Dear Me,
Days pass by so quickly, sometimes so slowly..Taking turn and mould a pattern that I couldn't keep up. Sometimes I could. When everything follows my way. Standing alone, fighting alone, I am struggling to breathe, just to ensure I am alive and still alive. In the morning, I wake up..Full of routine or maybe deliberately fulfill the routine. Another day, another race, I am tired.. I am. But Alhamdullillah, I am healing everyday. I've gained strength each days. I have no choice, I realize I have no choice but to be strong. So here I am, I MUST stand up and clear my wounds. Leave the scars open, It hurts but it heals. I realize there is no one I could and should rely on in healing myself. Cuz real happiness and full recovery is up to me. I choose not to depend on others.
Ma,
When I see my hands, I see your hands used to hold 'em and said those words you always said to me..
When I see myself in the mirror, I still see you..behind me wearing your fav kaftan, huhu
Ma, When I am home.. There was you sitting on the couch watching Star movies and welcoming me,
Ma, now my tears are more reserved than it used to be.. Less-flowing on the cheeks..but in my heart, still under observation :)
Ma, When I listen to Hilary Duff's song.. I would reminisce your dialogue saying "adek tak habis2 lagu budak montok nie"..and I'd say.."mammiii!" hehhehe and the conversation went on..and on
Ma, I just miss laughing with you.. hmm, my laugh with you is the most genuine laughter I've ever had..who said I already moved on. I am still here. and always be. Moving on is only for broken-hearted man.
Every time I miss you, my body will turn cold and my eyes will shine (yes, with tears that I hold). Cuz inside, I am fighting with emotion. Wow.. Hard to explain how does it feel on that time. My tired heart sometimes just can't take it anymore. But I need to survive. So I wipe my tears and start over my day with smile. But inside all I am doing is still live with my bestest memories..HER.
Still Counting x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
